How to be Happy: Quick Tip

In Part 3 we stated the key to fruit is the root. The happy man will delightfully meditate in God’s word day and night. I gave you a list of 7 ways you can do that. However, there is one form of mediation that proves especially challenging to most, and that is memorisation. There are some who can commit anything to memory quite easily, but nobody likes them. For the rest of us it can be troublesome so don’t feel bad you’re not alone.

Memorising scripture is an indispensable way to flood your heart with God’s word and renew your mind. However, it cannot stand on its own. It must be done in conjunction with reading, prayer and study. It is like sleep to a healthy life. It is vital but it is one part of an optimal plan. Remember, the purpose of memorising verses is not simply to cram verses in your memory; but rather to hide them in your heart (Prov 2:1). So we do not approach memorisation as a mechanical church-culture activity, but as way to meditate on God’s word.

So how do we engage in this form of mediation? There is a wide rage of ideas on the subject and I want to provide you with a few suggestions that have helped me.

6 Ways to Memorise

1. Choose a verse that is important to you. As you are engaged in prayerful reading you will often come across a passage where God is speaking to you and you will want to grab ahold of that one so you can continue to think on it as you go (Ps 119:133).

2. Study the verse briefly to understand what it says and what it means. This causes you to really consider the words instead of mindlessly memorising a passage (Ps 119:195). The time you spend studying the words and the understanding you gain will help the words to stay with you. Nothing helps me memorise more than this.

3. Share this verse to someone else. When you discuss the verse with someone else and share why its important to you it moves that verse even closer to your heart. When it becomes part of your natural conversation it becomes part of you (Ps 49:3).

4. Read the verse 5 times and then look away and say it from memory (repeat this process 5 times). This is a pretty standard approach to memorising anything and I have yet to find anything to replace it. This helps you remember the details of the verse like the verse reference (where it is found in the Bible). This exercise will help you remember the verse more exactly.

5. You can also write the verse down on a 3×5 card. You can make two. Stick one where you will see it and take the other one with you when you go. (Thanks Alan Shelby for this idea)

6. Finally, find a way to put this verse into practice (Phil 4:9). This is how you lock it in. It is ironic almost. The best way to hide God’s word deep in your heart is be obeying out in the open.

Okay, so those are 6 ways to memorise. I personally find these much more fun and engaging then limiting ourselves to simple repetition.

I will admit, this approach to memorisation will not help you memorise a huge volume of verses every year, but I am okay with that. Remember, I am not simply trying to memorise, but to meditate (Phil 4:8). I’m not trying to stick verses in my mind but hide them in my heart (Psalm 119:11). I hope these practical tips will help you do that.

I hope this will help you get your roots deep into God’s word so that you might produce the blessed fruit of the happy man.

There is only one part left to this series. Look out for that next week.

Until then …

How to be Happy - Part 4

And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

Psalm 1:3

Well I suppose we have covered the, “How” part of this series. According to Psalm 1 we should avoid the teaching of this world: a fervent refusal to walk in their ungodly counsel, stand in their sinful way, or sit in the scorner’s seat. Rather, we are instructed to meditate upon God’s word night and day. We are meant to delight in it. Figuratively speaking, we are suppose to grow our roots deep down into the watery soil of the Bible and that will nourish and produce a biblical kind of fruit. The Holy Spirit teaches us that we are meant to function like a tree where our roots determine our fruits.

But what is this fruit of the happy man? What is this blessed state being described for us in the Psalter? I mean we all want to, “feel” happy, and our happiness will certainly involve our feelings; but it must be more than that. Surely, this blessed state promises more than soap bubble feelings. And of course it does.

A Happy Man is a Spirit-filled Soul Winner

When we compare scripture with scripture we get a crystal clear description of the fruit that is produced from God’s abiding word.

The Fruit of Souls

The fruit we are intended to produce is obviously the fruit of souls that we win to Christ (Matt 13:38; Rom1:13; James 5:7). The world is likened unto a field and the word of God is like a seed that is sown in the hopes it will produce fruit (Mark 4:3-8). As believers we are called like our parents before us to be fruitful and multiply: to reproduce spiritual sons of God (Gen 1:28; 9:1).

Again, we are meant to function as a tree and a tree is meant to produce fruit, which is a seed producing mechanism designed for the reproduction and multiplication of other fruit trees. That is happiness. It is beyond the feelings. It is the fulfilment of one’s purpose. It is living in harmony with one’s design. the happy man is a soul winner.

The Fruit of the Spirit

The fruit we are intended to produce is also the fruit of Christ’s character. We see this clearly in Galatians 5:22-23. We are meant to produce the very life of Christ outwardly in all that we do.

But we must not make the mistake of compartmentalising these as two different kinds of fruit as if we could produce one without the other. They are the same fruit. In the Galatians list the very first fruit of the Spirit is the love of Christ. Are we to suppose we can produce this love which effected the blood of Christ to be shed for the lost without feeling any compassion for the lost ourselves.

You can go through the list and see how each slice of fruit in Galatians is inextricably connected to the gospel. We cannot produce the fruit of the Spirit apart from a desire for the fruit of souls. We are meant to be like Christ; but if we are, then would we not give our life for the lost.

The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise.

Proverbs 11:30

This is what the happy man looks like. He is roots deep in God’s word so that the very life of Christ is produced in him and reproduced in the life of others. The happy man is a Spirit-filled soul winner.

Is that what your happiness looks like?

Until next time …

How to be Happy - Part 3

So the secret to being happy begins with what we should not do (Psalm 1:1); but it cannot stop there. That is where it starts but that is not the answer. What you hate is important; but that will not make you happy by itself. Happiness begins with a biblical disdain that turns us away from the ungodly counsel of the world; but it finds its source in what we delight. It finds its source in what we turn to, not what we turn from.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

Psalm 1:2

The blessed man (the happy man) is one who delights in the word of God. It says, “The law of the Lord” which is helpful because we know the psalmist is talking about the written word of God – the bible. That is where we must get our counsel. The wisdom of God must replace the wisdom of the world.

But in what way does the happy man delight in God’s word? that brings us to our next step.

3. Happiness Meditates on the Bible.

Verse 3 says that meditating on Gods’s word is like a tree that is planted by a river of water. You have to allow your roots to grow deep into God’s word if you want it to produced the happy blessed fruit.

If you want the fruits, you must focus on the roots.

So how do we meditates on God’s word? How do we grow the roots of our life deep into the word of God? I want to give you 7 ways that you can start today.

7 Ways to Meditate on the Word

1. Listen to it – you can listen to the Bible through audio bibles or through the preaching and teaching of your local church. (Rom 10:17)

2. Read it – there is no substitute for reading the Bible. It is the best way to saturate your mind and heart (1Tim 4:13). It does not matter how much you read in one sitting. What is important is that you read it consistently. Allow the water of his word to continually flow through you.

3. Study it – this is how you get the roots deep into the word, by digging down to discovers its wisdom (2Tim 2:15; Prov 2:4-5). This is how your meditation intensifies because it forces you to really think about it.

4. Talk about it – take what you have studied and think out loud. The word “meditate” literally means to murmur; to ponder. You can think out loud by talking to yourself (Psalm 42:5; Psalm 77:6). But you can also think out loud by discussing it with others (Luke 24:13-14). This how you ponder things so you can work it out.

5. Pray it back to God – this is a very active meditation, invoking the power of the scripture by praying his will and his own word back to him (1John5:14-15). This will saturate your heart with his words and it will teach you to pray. (Psalm 119:48).

6. Memorise it – this is a deep form of meditation that seeks to hide God’s words, not in your head, but deep in your heart (Psalm 119:11; Luke 2:19; 9:44). [More about this later]

7. Teach it to someone else – you will never truly understand something until you teach it to someone else. This forces you to think hard about his word and to crystallise your thoughts. This forces you to draw conclusions and begin to develop convictions. This brings a kind of completeness to our meditation (Psalm 34:11).

These are 7 ways you can begin to meditate on God’s word today. This is how you grow your roots down deep into the Bible; and how his word becomes your source for godly counsel and wisdom. In time your word-soaked roots will begin to produce the fruits of a biblical kind of happiness.

Next time I will provide you with a practical tip to help you with this. Until then, God bless.

How to be Happy - Part 2: Anger

So last time we said, based on Psalm 1:1, that if we want to be happy we have to stop taking our advice from the world. But this passage does not suggest a casual dismissal or general disregard for the ungodly sin of the scorner. No, this passage suggests a vehement rejection. We are not simply disagreeing with their counsel. No, this is contempt (Ps 119:128). I know it sounds a little counter-intuitive but if we want to be happy then we first have to get a little angry. That is our second step.

2. We need to get angry at sin.

I know, we are often taught that anger is bad and that we should put away our anger and we should walk around with a valium induced smile on our face. But honestly, I think we should go the other way on this one. And I don’t mean just a little angry. I mean we should get mad! I say we pull a Michael Keaton, grab the fire poker and yell, “You wanna get nuts, come on, let’s get nuts!!!

I know it sounds crazy, but anger may be the answer for all of us. The trouble with our happiness is not that we are angry. Anger is not the opposite of happiness. Our problem is we are angry at the wrong thing. You see your issue Karen, is that you are angry at people (some of you are even angry at God) and what you should be angry at is sin. That’s right, sin is the bad guy.

When the Apostle Paul says we should put away our anger, he is actually saying we should redirect our anger. When it comes to sin, Paul says that we should get revenge!! listen to his words in 2 Corinthians.

For behold this selfsame thing, that ye sorrowed after a godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, yea, what indignation, yea, what fear, yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what revenge! In all things ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter.

2 Corinthians 7:11

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh [Not people]: (For the weapons of our warfare [Paul is saying we should fight] are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations [knock some stuff down], and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity [take some captives] every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.

2 Corinthians 10:3-6

You see, we get mad at people. We get mad at friends and family, and that is our problem. We are angry at the wrong thing. Think about it, we walk around angry at church, but then we cuddle up to our sin like it’s our prom date. We get mad at our pastor and go to our sin for therapy. We walk around with our malice on simmer and then we tune into the world on TV like we’re watching our grandkids at a Christmas pageant. Okay maybe I should work on that last analogy, but you get my point.

My point is sin is the villain. Sin may not have destroyed your life yet, but that is certainly sin’s plan. Sin has already stolen from you and he is not done. Sin is never done. It is coming for everything. And what do you do? You forgive it every time. It’s like spiritual Stockholm syndrome. We are in love with our capture and mad at everyone else. Sin is Bernie Madoff and we keep asking how we can invest.

The only solution is for you to get angry enough to end the relationship. You need to start treating your sin less like the love of you life and more like your brother in law who keeps asking for money. And why? Because he is robbing you blind. He has picked your pocket like tourist on the subway. But don’t be fooled, he runs the long con and he will not be satisfied until you are left with nothing.

So the answer to our happiness actually begins with anger. Welcome to crazy town folks!! We need a little crazy anger. We need some of that, “Your husband just cheated on you and went golfing on your birthday” anger. We need to follow sin to work and slash his tires. I am talking a whole, “Farah Fawcett in The Burning Bed” situation here. We need to follow Paul’s advice and take revenge on our sin.

Your problem is not that you are sad or angry. Your problem is that you are not angry enough and you are angry at the wrong thing. Aim that anger at sin and turn up the dial. Exact a little revenge. I promise you’ll feel better tomorrow.

Next time we will discover the actual source of our happiness. Until then.

How to be Happy - Part 1

There is almost nothing we want more; and yet it always seems to slip through our fingers. The truth is the bible tells us how we can be happy. The question is if we are willing to hear what it has to say.

When we turn to that section of the bible that is referred to as the “Wisdom books” (Job – Ecclesiastes) we encounter Job first. Job shows us the tormented man. Proverbs shows us the wise man. Song of Solomon shows us the loving man. Ecclesiastes shows us the philosophical man. And the book of Psalms shows us the happy man.

Psalms begins with the word, “Blessed” which means, “Happy”. When Christ began his earthly ministry, he sat down with his disciples and began his largest sermon with the exact same words, “Blessed is the man”. The implication is very encouraging – God is concerned about your happiness.

This is a short series that will share the instructions the bible gives us on how we can be happy. I hope you will find it helpful. So where do we start? Let’s go to Psalm chapter one and take a peek at verse one.

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

Psalm 1:1

The bible, here, begins with what we shouldn’t do. Why is that? I think it is because the bible is a very realistic and practical guide. And, I can only speak for myself, God usually finds me in a mess and shows me how to get out of it. That is where this passage finds us. So here is the first clue.

1. Happiness avoids the counsel of the world.

The bible says we are listening to the wrong people. We can see the obvious progression here.

• walk, stand, sit

• counsel, way, seat.

• ungodly, sinners, scornful.

It begins with some seemingly harmless counsel. That leads to the choice to stand (trust) in the way of sinners. Before we know it we are seated at the scorners table. At this table we hear a different kind of chatter. It has gone from counsel to a boastful mocking of God. This progression is heading in the opposite direction of happiness. And that is the story of man. As C.S. Lewis once said,

“Human history is the long, terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy”

C.S. Lewis

Psalm 1:1 reveals something startling – Satan is a soul winner! He shares his counsel and entices you to trust in his “Way” and he continues until you have take a seat at his table scorning God on his behalf.

It is important to realise that Satan, through the system of this world, is constantly trying to win your soul over to his way. And he is very good at it. He has a pulpit on every screen and we are constantly tuning in to hear him preach.

If we want to be happy we have to make a radical shift in our thinking. The world’s counsel, primarily through media is everywhere and it is here to stay. But that’s okay. Technology can actually be a blessing if we approach it the right way. We have a simple rule at our house that helps us in our pursuit for real happiness – the kind of happiness we find in the Bible. Here is our rule which is based on Psalm 1:1.

House Rule:

You can watch and listen to media (Okay, obviously excluding anything which clearly dishonours Christ). You can watch and listen to media, BUT YOU CANNOT BELIEVE A SINGLE WORD THEY SAY! You cannot believe anything they say until you have the chance to confirm it with the Bible.

This passage asks us to consider the source of our counsel and where it leads. Where is your counsel coming from? The happy man does not walk according to the counsel of the ungodly or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of scornful. If we want to be happy we must avoid the counsel of the world.

This is a good first step, but it does not solve the problem. This is a necessary step, but it won’t actually make us happy. Next time we will see how we can actually take a positive step toward biblical happiness.

Until then.

Dad’s Bible Study

We had the joy of spending the very American holiday of Thanksgiving with my mum and dad and my brother and sister along with all the kids. One thing my father required during the holiday is that we all meet at his kitchen table for a bible study each morning. There are few things that give my dad more joy than having his kids and grandkids gather with him around the word of God.

Dad shared with us six powerful prayers that any believer can pray. These prayers are powerful enough to change the direction of your life. These prayers are powerful for two reasons:

1. God is gracious to hear them

2. God is guaranteed to grant them

These six prayers are simple and can be voiced by anyone in a moment. They can be prayed by you right now. Over time, while retaining their simplicity, they grow deeper. They begin to stick and web a multitude of intimate moments with the Lord. These six prayers are simple requests which become a relationship with our Almighty Father. There are certainly more that you could add to this list, but here are the six that my father shared with us.

1. Humble Me

2. Try Me

3. Forgive Me

4. Change Me

5. Lead Me

6. Send Me

Humble Me (1 Peter 5:6-7)

There is nothing which distorts and destroys our relationship with God more than our own pride. Our life and our everyday must begin with a bow of our knee to him. We must not be wise in our own eyes but wholly lean upon him. A life that is not humbled before him is a life of self-deception.

Try Me (Psalm 139:23-24)

It is almost impossible for us to know ourselves as we truly are. Only God’s word like a mirror will reveal us. A life apart from God’s word is a life adrift at sea. Only God’s word can ground us in reality. We are transformed in the light of his word when we discover who he actually is and allow him to tell us who we actually are.

Forgive Me (Psalm 51:1-2)

We need not be afraid to humble ourselves before him, because all that awaits us is mercy and grace and peace with him. Based on the blood of Jesus Christ we can expect nothing but for our Father to run out to meet us, to fall upon our knack and kiss us with his grace. A life without his absolution is a life weighted by grief and inescapable guilt. Oh, but to receive his verdict of forgiveness brings a weightless joy to our soul.

Change Me (Psalm 51:10)

The truth is we cannot change ourselves. The power of creation is an ability we do not possess. All we can do is rearrange the same old material. He has the power to make us new. He has the power to create a new heart in us. He has the power to transform our entire disposition. Apart from him, no matter how many times we stare into our own closets, we will always find ourselves in the same old clothes.

Lead Me (Matthew 4:19)

Following Jesus is more than choosing who we are going to obey. It is not choice of religious affiliation. Following Jesus is more than an opinion that his commands are better than others. It is far more than that. It is a realisation. Following Jesus is an actual discovery that accompanied by profound relief. It is that moment when we realise that we live in a world where everyone is blind; and our hands have stumbled upon the one person who can see.

Send Me (Isaiah 6:8)

When we are confronted with the magnificence of his glory, we cannot remain as we are. We are transformed into his image and we become as he is. Just as he left his glory to seek and to save those who are lost; we are compelled to volunteer our lives to join him in his glorious cause. Our prayer is changed from, “Save me” to “Send me”. The beauty of his glory does not simply transform us. It turns us toward the multitudes who still remain in the dark.

This is the bible study my father shared with us this morning and so I share it with you. I challenge you to pray these six prayers. Humble me, Try me, Forgive me, Change me, Lead me and Send me. I pray these requests will be more than a moment, but will infect your entire life and blossom into a relationship with your Heavenly Father. I encourage you to pray that the Lord would allow you to not only see his glory, but to use your life to reflect his glory onto others, that they may see him in you.

How to Pick a Wife

I wrote an article not too long ago entitled, ‘How to Pick a Husband’. I did not mean to write it. What I mean is that I wrote it for my daughters a long time ago as a kind of checklist for a godly husband. I am not sure who suggested it but I ended up posting it here. As a result, I was asked by a friend to write its counterpart. My wife agreed and said the boys should have their own checklist, she gave me one of her looks, and so here we are.

As usual, my wife is right. The boys really do need their own checklist, because even though the man is suppose to lead the home, it is absolutely possible to marry the wrong woman.

Marriage is exhilarating but it can seem a little risky: kind of like skydiving — you don’t know until you jump if you going to survive. So it can’t hurt to double check your chute before you pull it.

That is the reason I have created these checklists for my kids. I provides a way for them to be thoughtful and biblical about who they are going to spend the rest of their lives with. Yea, that’s right, “The Rest of Their Lives”. That’s kind of a long time. Marrying the right person can be heavenly, but marrying the wrong person can be … well, you get the idea.

So here is my checklist for the boys. There will be some overlap from the girls checklist, ‘How to Pick a Husband’ but there are some significant differences.

1. Born Again

Is she saved? Just like with the girl’s list you must be able to tell, without trying, that they are saved (Ruth 3:10-11). If you cannot tell, you should walk away. This is a non-negotiable. There should be no question that she has at some point in her life made the personal decision to follow Christ. I know you think you can love her to Jesus, but you can’t. Not only is it a sin (2 Cor 6:14-15), but it is also unwise. You will not lead her to Christ, she will lead you to the world (1Kings 21:25).

For some this first item is their entire list, but this is just the beginning. She must be a believer, and it must be obvious.

2. Virtuous (holy)

Is she virtuous? This is much the same as when I told the girls that their husband must be holy, but this is the word so often used in the bible to describe a biblical wife (Proverbs 12:4). The word virtuous is closely connected to the word righteous and you want a wife whose true beauty (1 Peter 3:3-4; 1 Timothy 2:9-10) comes from her virtue (Acts 9:36). Regarding wives the bible is quite clear what virtues to look for (Titus 2:3-5).

3. Virtuous (strong)

A woman’s virtue is so important that it makes the list twice. The reason why is because this appears, in the bible, to be the quality most prized and sought after in a wife (Proverbs 31:10). But it is also listed twice because there are two sides to this word, “Virtue”.

On the one side the word means of moral excellence, living a life of holiness, character and good works. But there is another side to this word. The etymology of this word comes from one’s ability to stand up and fight for what is right. In its original form this word was actually the measure of a true man who went to fight valiantly in battle.

In time, the word took a broader meaning: to take a stand for what is right, both figuratively and literally. God has taken this word and made it the primary quality of a good wife. She should be holy, but she also must be strong enough to take a stand for what is right.

There is no better example than queen Esther. She took a virtuous stand and saved her people at the risk of her own life. Esther was some kind of woman and this kind of virtue must not be overlooked when choosing a wife. (Esther 4:15-16; 7:5-6; 9:24-25)

4. History

Does she have a shady history? Just like with, ‘How to Pick a Husband’, you need to be clear what what kind of past we are talking about. Is it crime, promiscuity, perversion, rebellion toward authority. What exactly are we dealing with? There is nothing wrong with marrying someone who has a past, but you must make sure their past is part of their victory story in Christ (1 Corinthians 15:9) and not something they are presently trying to overcome.

Now is the time to make this decision. Now is the time to walk away. If you decided to stay than do so with prayer and a lot of pastoral counsel.

5. Doctrine

Does she have sound doctrine? Good doctrine is vital to a good marriage, and it is a blessing to find a wife who is grounded in solid doctrine.

However the thing you are looking for is not her wealth of doctrinal knowledge, but a willingness to follow you and learn the bible from you (1 Corinthians 14:35). If that quality is there everything else can be learned. If this quality is not there, you should walk away.

It is important that you have the same doctrine and this needs to start with you who then teaches the family (Ephesians 5:23). Having the same doctrine is vital as it will guide you in everything you do as a couple and as a family (Amos 3:3).

6. Money

She doesn’t need any money. You should provide everything for her. That is your job.

7. Beauty

You must think that she is beautiful. You need to be physically attracted to her (Proverbs 5:18-19). However, beauty fades, and it fades quicker for woman than it does for men. It is absolutely that essential that you ignore the standards pushed by social media and the entertainment industry. Her beauty to you must include but go beyond her appearance. Having a perfect figure is not important, because there is no such thing. What is important is, are you attracted to her. Your sex life will be a vital part of your marriage (1 Corinthians 7:3-4) and it is important that you are ravished with your wife (Song of Solomon 4:1-7).

8. Temperament

This is very much connected to number 7. Are you attracted to her temperament? Is she outgoing? Is she shy and quiet? Is she a go-getter? Is she the life of the party or a wallflower? It doesn’t matter, they are all attractive to the right person, just remember that temperaments do not change. Do not marry her one way and then expect her to be another. There are a lot of ways a person can change and grow but this, more than likely, will not change to any great degree.

9. Spirit Filled

This is also connected to your attraction, but it necessary for the joy of your entire relationship. There are so many aspects to being spirit filled so I’m just going to focus on one area. How does the Spirit affect her spirit? How does he affect her attitude and personality. Is she kind (1 Corinthians 13:4). Is she unselfish (Ruth 2:11)? Is she forgiving (Ephesians 4:32)? Regardless of her physical appearance, if she is unkind, selfish and holds a grudge, you need to walk away (1 Corinthians 13:4).

The bible gives us a couple of attitudes you want to avoid.

• Loud and stubborn (Proverbs 7:11)

• Contentious (arguer) and angry (Proverbs 21:19; 27:15)

The kind of spirit the bible says is of great price to God is a meek and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). Meekness does not mean weakness. I means they are like Christ (Matthew 11:29). It means they have great strength and power in their spirit but they use that power to serve. And a quiet spirit does not mean they are shy and don’t want to talk, but again like Christ (Matthew 11:29) it is having rest in your soul, it is not being quiet per se, but a quiet spirit, a calmness within (The opposite of Proverbs 7:11).

It is certainly possible for people to change in this area. They can become controlled and guided by the holy Spirit in the word of God and it can change their spirit, their personality and their attitude. However, this is not an easy transformation. You want to find a wife who is already controlled by the Spirit instead of hoping they will be later. You are looking for wife who is Christ-like.

Listen, I am telling you this because as her husband, it will be your duty to love your wife for the rest of your life (Ephesians 5:25); so when you are choosing a wife you should remember that loving a wife is so much easier when you like her as well.

10. The Mission

This one is almost exactly the same as the Husband list. Does she have a heart for the mission to which we are called (Ep 4:1)? Does she understand the mission to share Christ and make disciples (2 Timothy 2:2)? Does she understand home and foreign missions (Matt 28:18-20)? Is she willing to follow you into that mission (1 Cor 11:1; Joshua 24:15)?

There is always room to learn more and understand the mission more clearly The main thing is that you both see the mission for your life the same way: you both see the mission as the central purpose around which the rest of your life revolves instead of just one of life’s many categories or compartments. If this is her heart then everything else can be learned. If it is not – walk away or at the very least wait.

11. The Most Important Piece

All of these qualities are important but when you roll them up into one person, how would you describe what you are looking for in a wife. And I would say, most importantly, you are looking for someone who wants to be a wife. There is a big difference between someone who wants to be married and someone who wants to be a wife.

The bible provides a lot of insight on what it means to be a wife (Genesis 2:18; Ephesians 5:22; Titus 2:3-5; Proverbs 31). And it gives us so many wonderful examples of what they looks like (Ruth, Esther, Abigail, etc.). The question of what a wife is not a difficult question to answer. The real question is, does she want to be one? Maybe she just wants to be married: to have the security, not be alone, be cared for, be in love, have a family, build a life, memorable moments, etc? These are all wonderful things, but the most important question is, does she want to be a wife? That is a very special and high calling. If she wants to be a wife according to the bible then just about anything else can be worked out – just about.

Conclusion

Now listen boys, when you choose a wife and you have exchanged rings before God, you had better love her forever no matter what. No matter what she does, you forgive her and treat her right and protect her and provide for her til the day you die. She might not be perfect, but neither are you. You stay close to the Lord and lead her and love her with a Spirit-filled love. You should be gracious and over look her faults and take the blame most of the time, even if it’s not your fault. That is what the Lord did for you so you do it for her. When you get married that is the time for grace.

However, before you get married, on this side of the wedding rings, that is the time for law. That is when you need to be wise and discerning. You have be able to see past the physical appearance and see who she really is in the light of the Word of God. Now, is the time for you to walk away if you not sure. Now is not the time to be understanding. Now is the time for judgement. Outside of your salvation there no decision more important than who you choose to be your wife (Judges 16:18-21). So choose wisely.

Remember, when it comes to picking a wife if you start with law then it is much easier to give grace later. So find a wife is who is godly who is beautiful on the inside and out, who actually wants to be a wife instead of just wanting to be married. And remember these words, “Til death do us part.”

Happy hunting.

New Year’s Realisation

New year. New me. That is what they say.

So …

• I have enjoyed a high protein diet

• I hit the gym – mainly weight training, because everyone knows cardio sucks.

• I have read more books

• I have tried to get at least 6 hrs of sleep each night.

• I have become more conscious of the political issues facing the world.

• I have lowered my social media intake

• And I drink so much water I think I am going to drown.

It has not been easy, but this experiment has yielded some very clear results. It turns out, I am still no closer to Jesus.

Just remember, as you enter the new year, the hustle culture and productivity cult represent secular humanism – not Christ. Self improvement is not the same thing as sanctification.

My point is, yes, maybe you should go to the gym or maybe you shouldn’t. I am not sure God cares. Our pursuit is not to be fit, productive, politically responsible members of society. Our pursuit is not to be well behaved, well read, well adjusted members of society. Our pursuit is to be holy: set apart to enjoy and serve our Father and Lord Jesus Christ by the Spirit of God according to the Word of God in the midst of the Church of God.

… Just something to consider as you are forming your New Year’s resolution.

How to Pick a Husband

I wrote this because it is something I have thought about a lot. I wonder all the time why Punk (that is Mindy, my wife) picked me. I also think about the possibility of my daughters choosing a husband one day.

So I came up with a possible criteria upon which my daughters can decide which man they will allow to marry them. As far as my boys are concerned, they’re on their own.

Here are eleven things. I know you’re suppose to have ten, but I hate top ten lists. So here it goes.

1. Born again

Is he born again? Is he genuinely saved? Can you tell, just by looking, without trying, that he is a believer (James 2:18)? If you cannot you should walk away. And I know; your best friend’s cousin married a lost man and as a result, he got saved. I have heard those stories as well. I also read about a skydiver who’s shoot didn’t open and he lived; but I do not recommend you try it. Being a believer is the primary and the easiest of the criteria in this list. We can all agree, this is commanded and nonnegotiable (2 Cor 6:14-15). No matter how “in love” you think you are; oil and water will never mix. You will see from this list, that not only should he be a believer, but you should expect so much more.

2. Holy

Does he lead a life that is set apart to his Father and Lord Jesus Christ (Romans 12:1-2)? Does he lead a life that is set apart from sin (1 These 4:7)? Does he have integrity? Does he make wise spirit-filled choices? Does he have a daily, prayerful, relationship with the Bible (Colossians 3:16)?

Everyone is flawed, but we’re not talking about everyone. We are talking about the husband you will spend the rest of your life with.

I would advise you to be a hypocrite in this department. Even if you are not a holy person; you should pick a husband who is. Find a man who will lead you closer to Christ.

3. History

Does he have a shady history? Everyone deserves a second chance. That is true. So let someone else marry him. You don’t have to be saddled with this guys past. You have to ask yourself if his past is part of his victory story in Christ, or is it a past that he is currently trying to overcome. There is a past that is past, and there is a past that is present. If it is the latter then you need to wait at the very least, or just walk away.

A man’s past is very important to consider. It is commonly said, “everyone has a past”. Okay, but what kind of past are we talking about. Are we talking about prison, crime, sexual perversion, multiple marriages, violence, substance abuse? If this is the case, you need to think very carefully before you marry into that past of his. The safest bet is to just walk away. But if you must, then make sure you proceed with much fasting and prayer and A LOT of pastoral counsel.

4. Doctrine

Does he share your beliefs (Amos 3:3)? You need to be detailed here because it will matter later. Does he have convictions regarding his own personal doctrinal statement? You need a husband that is going to lead you in the Word instead of away from it (1 Tim 1:19; 1 Cor 14:35a; Phil 4:9). You may not yet have doctrinal convictions of your own; pick a husband who does (Psalm 119:9-11).

5. Money

Does he have any money? Does he have any immediate and tangible plans for money? For example, is he planning to move into your place when you marry – walk away. Is he hoping that his DJ dreams are going to take off – walk away. If he’s not in school he should be in a job (1 Thess. 4:11-12; 2 Thess. 3:11-14; Romans 12:11).

Don not choose a “fixer-upper” in this department. Should you marry a man for his money? Yes, you should. Not necessarily to be rich, but a man who is able to support you without you working. You should work if you want to, but can he support you if you choose not to? This has nothing to do with money. This is about character and maturity. Not all working men are godly, but all godly men work (1 Tim 5:8). Do not settle in this area. Do not!! You will be sorry later (Prov 20:4).

6. Handsome

Are you attracted to him physically (Song of Solomon 2:3; 5:9-16)? Looks are not everything, but you are going to have to have sex with this guy for the rest of your life – the rest of your life!!! I’m just saying (1 Cor 7:2-5).

7. Temperament

This one is connected to number 6. Temperament is inseparable from appearance when it comes to attraction. Are you attracted to his temperament? Is he loud? Is he quiet? Is he funny? Is he serious? Is he hot-tempered? Is he cool? Is he easy going? Is he high-strung? Is he laid back? People change in many ways, but temperaments do not change. Let me repeat, in this area, he will not change later. Don’t marry an introvert and expect him to be a people person later. Do not marry someone who is easy-going and expect him to be a go-getter. It won’t happen. He’ll try, he’ll fail, and you’ll both be disappointed.

8. Spirit-Filled

Being spirit-filled means a lot of things so let me narrow in on just a few things that are germane. Is he happy and is he kind? The top three of the fruit of the Spirit are love, joy, and peace (Gal 5:22). On the outside this looks like happy and kind. To clarify, I don’t mean is he happy or kind at any given moment: everyone has their moments. I am talking about his general disposition. Is he generally a happy and kind person to you and to others? If he is an angry person – walk away immediately (Prov. 22:24). If he is mean to people – walk away. Even if his anger is “on behalf of Christ” – walk away. This does not come from the Holy Spirit (James 3:13-18) and no one should have to live with that.

9. Discipline

A man who is spirit-filled is a man who is disciplined (Gal 5:23 temperance = self-discipline). It is possible for a man to become spirit-filled later. This is an area where change is possible. But it is difficult and it is rare. Is this guy lazy? Does he self-medicate with anything chronically? I’m not saying he has to be a Navy Seal, but does he generally appear to have his crap together? Is he someone you can depend on? Is he someone you admire? Is he someone you would follow? Right now where you are, do you want to go where he is going (Ruth 1:16)? If you are uncertain – walk away or at least wait.

10. The Mission

Does he have a heart for the mission to which we are called (Ep 4:1)? Does he understand his mission to share Christ and make disciples (2 Timothy 2:2)? Does he understand home and foreign missions (Matt 28:18-20)? The husband is suppose to lead, but being a good leader is not enough. You need to be clear WHERE he is leading you. He should lead the family to serve Christ in the mission according to the bible (1 Cor 11:1; Joshua 24:15).

11. Christ-like

If you put all these things together you have a husband who is Christ-like, and that is what you are looking for (Rom 8:29; Ep 4:24; 1 Cor 16:13). Stop settling. Stop picking losers. Stop making excuses for men. Break the cycle of bad guys in your life. All the guys out there who “have potential” or “might change” or are “misunderstood” can be wonderful Christian brothers; but a husband is something altogether different. You don’t want a man who can be Christ-like. You want a man who already is.

Application:

You might be thinking these standards are too high. I mean where do you find a guy like that? The truth is they do exist. There are godly men out there. But this list is not perfect. You are free to set your own standards and you should. Send them back to me so I can improve my list.

Here is what I’m really getting at. When it comes to picking a husband you can be understanding if you want: you can see the diamond in the ruff. That is fine. Just remember that now is when you have the option to walk away. Now is when you have the choice. And what about later, after the “I do’s”? That is when you remember that you are the one who chose to marry him. You knew who he was and you married him anyway.

After you are married, that is the time for grace and understanding and patience and prayer. That is when you stick it out with your man and genuinely see in him the man that he can be in Christ. After marriage is the time you strive to see the good in him. That is when you bite your tongue and seek to win him over through a meek and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:1-4).

Before you get married is a different story. Before you get married is not the time for grace. It is the time for law. You should not have to strive to see the good in him. Now is not the time for understanding. Now is not the time to bite your tongue. Now is the time to pick a man in whom you can already see Christ. And others should be able to see it too.

When picking a husband, if you start with law the grace part is much easier later. Find a man whom you admire for his godliness. Have high standards; and remember these words, “Til death do us part”.

Happy hunting.

A Good Start

We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers; remembering without ceasing your work of faith, and labour of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ, in the sight of God and our Father;
‭‭

1 Thessalonians‬ ‭1:2-3‬

When Paul remembers their work of faith, labour of love and patience of hope, which is done in Christ and in the sight of God the father, he prays to give thanks to Gods for them.

So what does he mean by “Work of Faith, Labour of Love and Patience of Hope”?

1. A Good Sign

First, this is something for which he is thankful so this is something he is keen to see in them. The implication is this is something to look for in a believer. Our service in Christ and in the sight of the Father should have all this stuff: work, labour, patience (endurance), faith, love & hope. The work stuff shows on the outside and it comes from the faith/love stuff on the inside. When these things are evident to an outside observer this is a good sign you’re headed in the right direction.

But what are these things and how do they work together?

1. A Good Serve

Work is action, when you exert yourself in some form of service. To do that for the Lord requires faith, and it is only pleasing to God when it comes from your faith. (Heb 11:5-6)

Labour is action + pain. This is when your service causes you to ache or suffer a bit. To do this requires love. Love enables us to sacrifice our pleasure and endure pain for his name sake. (Ephesians 5:2)

Patience is action + pain + time. This is when your sacrificial service is done repeatedly over a period of time. This requires hope. Our eternal hope enables us to endure. (Romans 8:25)

This is how we are suppose to serve God. He wants to serve him by faith. Wants us to sacrifice out of love. And he wants us to stick with it because we are filled with the hope that our service is worth it. (1 Corinthians 15:58)

1. A Good Start

The church at Thessalonica was a young church. Paul seems to think they are off to a good start. All of our service is done in the sight of God and I think he would like to see these things in us. Perhaps we could make a good start.

• We could start with an act of faith.

• We could maybe add bit of loving sacrifice.

• What if we became filled with hope and started doing this repeatedly?

Imagine how pleased our Father would be. And who knows what he might do through us for the glory of Christ.

How to Get Things Done

Do you ever feel so busy and overwhelmed that you do not know where to start? You end up doing nothing because you cannot get your head around how big the projects in front of you are.

There are many good books and videos out there to help you tackle this. But I thought I would throw out some unsolicited advice of my own. Here is a fool proof plan to ensure you have enough time to get your projects done.

Step One: Turn off all media (social media, YouTube. TV, etc.)

Step Two: actually, that’s it. There’s only one step. Turn off all media and you’ll have all the time you need.

You’re welcome.

Highstreet

The family and I spent the morning on the high street (main street) sharing the gospel with individuals as they passed by. We meet up with other members of the church at a local coffee shop so we can get jacked up on caffeine and catch up a bit.

Then we drift outside to where we all meet under this huge mural of Charles Darwin. He is commemorated on this wall because he was a local to Bromley. We like to meet to pray under his mural because it is kind of giving him the finger every time we head out to tell people about Jesus. It makes my heart smile.

The weather was perfect today. It was warm but not to hot and the wind was just enough to make you comfortable. It’s the kind of sunshine that makes you happy. We spent a few hours in intimate one on one conversation and then we all met back to pray before we cracked a few jokes and headed home.

This was a pretty normal Saturday, but there is a part which never becomes normal. There is a part which is new every time. It is the feeling you have when you are headed home. You have this certainty that you are right in the middle of God’s will and you know there was no way to spend that time better. What you feel is real joy with a bit of excitement. Sometime it makes me laugh a little. Like the joy just kind of spills over.

I know life is not all about feelings, but honestly l have never done anything that makes me feel that way. It can be scary before you start and it can be a frustrating battle in the middle. But when you are done and you are walking home all that fades away and that feeling comes back like it’s the first time.

Not a bad way to spend a Saturday.

Just the Guys

Tonight I get to hang out with Hud and Stef (my two boys, who are not really boys anymore) and despite the image for this post we are not actually eating pizza (which is the universal guys night food). Actually, Punk left us an amazing meal on the hob before she bolted. She takes good care of her boys.

Now, there is literally no one I would rather hang out with than Punk (that is Mindy, my wife); but there are those occasions when she and the ladies take off somewhere to do whatever ladies do and us guys are left behind to fend for ourselves. And I have to say, it’s pretty awesome. Hud and Stef are two of the most interesting and hilarious people I know.

I’m only mentioning this to you because we can forget, get distracted, take for granted, get busy, whatever and all that, and we truly miss out.

CS Lewis in his book, ‘The Four Loves’ talks about friendship between men and how it is a unique thing. It is the kind of love that can just sit in the same room with you and there is no need to do anything for one another. There are no real expectations — You can just be.

This is a priceless thing.

I’m on my way down stairs, but something caught me and made me pause to write this. I guess it is just a way to give thanks to God.

Books: Man’s Best Friend

Friends can be the source of the worst advice you will ever get in your life. But they may just save your life. I guess the difference comes down to having, not friends, but good friends.

Books are just like that. People say reading is good for you and that is not necessarily true. They say, “Well, it’s better than watching movies or television.” But then just about anything is. Movies and television are for people who have given up. Like people who eat at McDonald’s. They’re not even trying anymore.

Okay, okay! We all want a Big Mac or a great movie every now and then — I admit it. But let’s not make a thing of it.

So, yes, books are better than TV; but assuming that is not where we want to set the bar I would say, that like friends it is important to choose good books.

But what do you mean by, “good books”? Okay, fair question. Well, I do not mean exclusively, books that are good for you. I do mean those, but I mostly mean books that are well written. But then that is quite ambiguous as well. Sorry. Okay, why don’t you just decide for yourself what good means and stop bothering me.

So where was I? Yes, choose good books — And this is not hard to do. There are so many wonderful books out there in a wide variety of genres.

I suppose you do have to dive in a bit and take some chances in order to find the good ones. But when you do it is a magical moment. You have not just found a bit of wisdom or a great story, you have made a friend.

Good books begins like friendships. Your passing through a bookstore or wandering through Amazon when when you run into a great title. Reading the jacket is like that getting to know you conversation. You check the reviews to find out what the other books are saying about them. Eventually you sit down for a nice conversation. You usually know in the first couple of chapters if you two are going to hit it off. They give you advice, keep you company, share experiences; and in the end, when it really goes well, the book becomes a part of you.

Regarding friends, a person will only have a few in their life they will call best friends. Likewise, there will be a handful of books who will always be a little closer to you than others.

Friends are nice, good friends are crucial. The same is true of books. So I say, be nice to all books, but make friends with the good ones.

Hemingway on Preaching

I adapted this from an excerpt of a letter from Earnest Hemingway. He was expressing a thought about writing, but the correlation to preaching was so apparent that I had to get it down before I carried on and it was lost forever.

So here is the adapted quote …

Preaching is something that you can never do as well as it can be done. It is a perpetual challenge and it is more difficult than anything else that I’ve ever done — so I do it. And it makes me happy when I do it well.

— Brian Clark (adapted from Ernest Hemingway)

A Victorious Failure

“And at that time Hanani the seer came to Asa king of Judah, and said unto him, Because thou hast relied on the king of Syria, and not relied on the LORD thy God, therefore is the host of the king of Syria escaped out of thine hand. Were not the Ethiopians and the Lubims a huge host, with very many chariots and horsemen? yet, because thou didst rely on the LORD, he delivered them into thine hand. For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him. Herein thou hast done foolishly: therefore from henceforth thou shalt have wars.”

2 Chronicles 167-9

Asa, the King of Judah (the southern kingdom) was a good ol’ boy from the south (2 Chron. 15:17). For 35 years he fought the good fight, unlike many of his predecessors. But it was in the last four years of his reign where the whole thing went pear shaped. This story in 2 Chron 16 tells us how Asa’s short lived downward spiral began.

It begins with Baasha, the king of Israel (the northern kingdom). Don’t you hate it when the north and south can’t get along? Baasha starts building the city of Ramah to box Asa in, cutting off supply lines. Well Asa is having none of that; so he shoots a text to his boy Ben-hadad in Syria.

Ben replies, “I got you bro”, and comes to his rescue. Baasha is forced to back off. On top of that Asa was able to steal all his building materials to build two cites of his own. Now that is what I call a victory. Asa beat Baasha without lifting a finger and even got him to pay for two new cities. Man! In your face Baasha!

But then the prophet shows up. And if you want to ruin a victory party, then just call in the preacher. Hanani walks in and the music stops. You could hear the ice melting. While looking around at the half empty Champaign glasses and the untouched vegetable platter, He tells Asa, “Yea you won this one, but it wasn’t because you trusted in the Lord. Your trust was in the king of Syria, not the Lord. The preacher turns to look at Asa, “Fine. You want to fight on your own, go ahead. The Lord is going to give you war the rest of your days — good luck.”

“For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to shew himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him. Herein thou hast done foolishly: therefore from henceforth thou shalt have wars.”

‭‭2 Chronicles‬ ‭16:9‬

We learn two important lessons from Asa

1. It is possible to blow it all in the final years. We cannot relax on past victories, we have to stay focused and finish strong.

2. A win that does not come from Christ is still a loss.

Magic

I haven’t written for while. But the perfect moment comes along and what can you do?

The weather on our back porch is perfect while my perfect wife tiptoes around the garden, inspecting her flowers like a mum checking in on her kids who is careful not to wake them. As she gathers up her gardening tools she is unaware that I am watching. John Denver keeps us company as the sun goes down.

There are those rare moments. They can’t be planned. They sneak up on you like holiday weight. All of the sudden you are there. She is there. John Denver is there, and well, it’s just magic.

What are we supposed to be?

Then answered one of the servants, and said, Behold, I have seen a son of Jesse the Bethlehemite, that is cunning in playing, and a mighty valiant man, and a man of war, and prudent in matters, and a comely person, and the LORD is with him.

1 Samuel 16:17-18

So this guy, was, well, let’s just make a list:

• Talented musician (skilled)

• Tremendously Brave (emotionally healthy)

• A Warrior (virtuous-will stand for what’s right)

• A wise man (makes good choices)

• Attractive (this one just makes me mad)

• And the Lord is with him (he’s a godly person)

Now you might read that and think, “Why bother, I think I’ll go for a calming walk, in front of a bus.”

I completely understand that inclination. But before you lace up and head out, let me just toss you an idea. This passage may well provide us an example of who we should be. I think there are many of us who may be experiencing some confusion on this issue.

When I look around the message is a bit conflicted. According to various social media platforms, I should be, well, let’s make another list

• A baller who meditates

• An environmentalist who owns a fleet of luxury vehicles

• A womanising feminist

• An altruistic narcissist

• A spiritual materialist

• A minimalist who has it all

David is obviously a picture of Christ. When we say, as Christians, we should be Christ-like; maybe this list in 1 Samuel 16 gives us idea of what that looks like.

Perhaps this list provides a portion of what you or I should strive for – maybe. I could be wrong. Who knows. Do what you like.

That’s Pretty Big Talk

They say even a broken clock is right twice a day. And every once and a while an unreliable source can get it right.

In this case it is Ahab king of Israel. He was an evil man. The only thing worse than him was his wife. Now she was a piece of work.

Having said that, when the king of Syria threatened Ahab, this was Ahab’s response:

“And the king of Israel answered and said, Tell him, Let not him that girdeth on his harness boast himself as he that putteth it off.”

1 Kings 20:11

What he means is, there is a time for big talk, but it is not when you putting your amour on to fight. Big talk should come after the battle is won.

That’s pretty good advice as we head into 2022. We tend to start the year out with a lot of big talk, big goals, big promises, etc. But in this case I think Ahab is right. It might be better to stay quiet when putting our armour on and save the big talk for when we are taking it off.

Have a happy 2022 everyone.